Ask me if I care

One of the Jenners was on Ellen today. Kylie.



I just don't give a shit! << if I could get that font bigger I would!!

When is America going to realize that the majority of us out here just don't give a shit about the Kardashians or Jenners?

I fast forwarded it through the whole segment. Because I just don't give a shit!


I told myself when I was diagnosed with cancer that I was going to be kinder and easier on people.

Uh no.

In fact I can't tolerate the stupidity and idiots even less. LOL

Pretty sad that I haven't posted since August 29th and this is what got me to post again!

Another weekend home

Still have that unwell feeling from the chemo. Which surprises me since I still have an appetite.
Today is the second day that my throat hurts. Feels like something is in it when I swallow. Not a bad pain so far.

Two weeks done and 5 to go. My next chemo is Sept 8th. Oh man I dread it. My kidney function is already jacked. 1.2 on the creatinine scale. Which is like just the beginning of bad. The next chemo round will probably jack it up to 3 or 4. When it gets to 5 or more then that's really bad. They already told me that this will affect my kidneys but they should come back.
I do have the ringing in my ears too. Mostly noticed when I am trying to sleep and it's quiet. Haven't lost any hair yet, I believe that will start day 14 (Monday) to day 21.

I take my laptop with me so I don't know why I am not posting everyday. I don't even turn it on.
I can only get one TV station where I am staying even with a high powered antenna so I subscribed to Netflix. I am hooked on Prison Break,  and Grace and Frankie with Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda.

Foods starting to taste bad. It's not all the way there yet but it's getting there. Ensure still tastes okay. That's what I will live on starting this week and for a few months probably. I have to do neck muscle exercises so I don't lose my ability to swallow, especially if I get a PEG (stomach tube feeder). I don't mind having to get one but when it's time they just yank it out with no numbing or anything. THAT I DREAD!!!! Bah!!!

Today I am starting this:


Michael Symon's Italian Beef

I'm making Yia Yia's Sunday Sauce today and tomorrow I will make the final dish. Looks good, eh??

I just hope I can eat it! LOL!!!

Home for the weekend

after my first week of treatments.

Chemo sucks but I made it through it with help from steroids and anti nausea meds. Haven't puked yet! LOL

The first three days aren't bad because they give this steroid in the IV that lasts three days, but day four I had the queasy come on a bit. Which was yesterday. Still have my appetite and am eating heartily. That'll change. I dread that second dose of chemo, it's gonna suck so bad!
I had a swallowing test on Thursday. Starting to get a little bit of dry mouth but only when I sleep and talk to people.

Chocolate doesn't taste too good. Tastes muddy. I also find a fine line between not enough salt and too much.
I am warm then chilly, off and on a lot.

The constant unwell feeling doesn't go away.

I have to drink lots of water to keep my kidneys functioning. It's hard to do when water makes me feel full and queasy bloaty.

Still here!

Chemo and radiation starts Monday. I'm looking at it like an adventure. A scary, sucky adventure! Ha!

Long time!!

Since I've been here. I went into the hospital again on June 24th with infection in my mouth. Staph. Thankfully I caught it in time that it didn't get too far gone. I was out of the hospital in 4 days and have been packing the infection area since. Probably a good thing I never get sick because I haven't taken antibiotics for about 15 years, if not more. They had me on two kind of antibiotics through my IV. One was vancomycin, which is specifically for resistant staph infections. I was scared I tell ya. I thought for sure my flap (skin graft in my mouth) was failing. Then when I was told that wasn't happening I then started thinking they wouldn't be able to control the infection and the antibiotics would damage my kidneys etc. OMG

I'm back to work too. I feel tired halfway through the day but nothing major. I figure my radiation and chemo will start in a couple weeks. I had to have 3 teeth pulled so they are waiting for those to heal before I start. The teeth were pulled because radiation could have caused problems with them. If I ever have to have a tooth pulled in the future I am taking a chance I will lose my jawbones because jawbones don't heal after radiation and they get infected. Great. Another thing to worry about. I have to do fluoride treatments 3 times a day during radiation and  2 times a day for the rest of my life. I picked up my mouth trays Thursday. I will also have to go to my dentist every 3 or 4 months for the rest of my life.

I will get cisplatin as my chemo drug. I will get 100 units on day one of radiation, 100 units on day 22 of radiation and 100 units on the last day of radiation-day 43. I will have radiation 5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks. They are giving me the largest dose of chemo they can. I may lose my hearing, I will have no muscle mass when I'm done, possible tingling or burning feeling in my hands and feet and possible kidney damage. I will be on a saline IV for two days after each chemo treatment to flush my kidneys. I was told that by the end of chemo I may not even be able to get up out of a chair. My white blood cell count will be exceedingly low too. Hey! The bright side is that cisplatin doesn't usually cause significant hair loss! I guess it will get thinner and I will also lose some from the radiation that will hit in the back of my head.

I just hope after all this I'm not told I only have a few months to live. My cancer is far more advanced than they had expected.

The Surgery

was 12 hours long.
I never needed a tracheotomy because I breathed well on my own through the entire procedure.
When they wheeled me into the OR room I yelled out Hi People! to all the nurses and others in the room. I got a response back too! They hooked me up and then I was out.
I remember being woke up and wheeled down a hallway. As we passed another person on a gurney I asked them if they wanted to race. The male nurse pushing me laughed. I was just so glad to be alive and wanted to be funny, like usual. LOL
That started the trend that I was their star patient through the whole 7 days I was there. Everyone was so astounded how well I was doing, and how fast I healed. I think just being a happy person in general helped me a lot. Laughing is the best medicine. After animals, of course.



After informed consent was reviewed, the patient was brought back
to the main operating room and placed in asupine position.
General anesthesia was induced, and the patient was
nasotracheally intubated.  The tube was secured to the nasal
septum with a 2-0 silk suture.  The bed was turned 180 degrees
away from Anesthesia.  An arterial line and Foley were placed.
The intraoral cavity lesion was inspected and injected with 1%
lidocaine with 1:100,000 epinephrine for a total 7 mL.  The
planned right neck incision was marked approximately 2
fingerbreadths below the mandible in a natural skin crease and
injected with 10 mL 1% lidocaine with 1:100,000 epinephrine.  The
patient was then prepped and draped in sterile fashion for the
procedure.  A time out was performed.

A bite block was placed, and the oral cavity was inspected.  The
patient had an approximately 6 x 4 cm right buccal mucosa cancer
that appeared to extend into the gingival buccal sulci
bilaterally and encompass the parotid duct.  The tumor extended
anteriorly towards the oral commissure and posteriorly toward the
RMT.  The planned incisions were marked with monopolar cautery,
with approximately 1 cm margins. The resection extended to the
oral commissure, to include the red lip, with the white lip left
intact. The mucosa was incised with monopolar cautery.  The
buccinator was taken as the deep portion of the specimen.  The
specimen was released off the buccal fat pad.  The dissection was
carried more superficially, as we worked anteriorly toward the
oral commissure, releasing the specimen off the orbicularis
muscle. The specimen was released without coming through the
cheek skin.  The specimen was oriented and handed off to nursing
for permanent pathology.  Frozen section margins were taken
circumferentially from around the specimen for frozen section.  A
deep margin was taken from the buccal fat pad posteriorly as well
as along the deep muscle anteriorly.  The anterior mandibular
gingival margin came back positive for focal CIS.  A second
margin was taken from this area which also returned positive for
focal CIS.  Ultimately, a permanent section was sent from around
tooth #29, which was the only remaining mucosa in this region.
Hemostasis was achieved with bipolar cautery.

We then turned our attention to the right neck.  A 15 blade was
used to make an incision down through the skin and through the
platysma.  A subplatysmal flap was raised superiorly up to the
mandible.  The external jugular vein was preserved for use in
reconstruction.  The greater auricular nerve was also preserved.
The inferior subplatysmal flap was also raised.  The nerve
stimulator was used to identify the level of the marginal
mandibular nerve.  The fascia was divided using blunt dissection
inferior to the marginal mandibular nerve working superiorly
towards the mastoid tip.  The fascia was raised off the
submandibular gland, which was then carefully retracted
inferiorly.  The facial vein was identified and divided for use
in reconstruction.  The submandibular gland was dissected
bluntly.  The digastric muscle was identified and traced
posteriorly back towards the mastoid tip.  The facial artery was
identified and suture ligated.  There was a large nodal
conglomeration in level IB which was taken in conjunction with
the submandibular gland.  As this nodal mass was retracted
inferiorly with the submandibular gland, the mylohyoid muscle was
identified.  The mylohyoid was retracted superiorly.  The
submandibular duct was clipped.  The level 1B specimen was
released and handed off to nursing for permanent pathology.  An
additional perifacial node was dissected and handed off to
nursing for permanent pathology.

Monopolar cautery was used to release the fibrofatty contents
along the anterior belly of the digastric.  This was released
towards the contralateral anterior belly of the digastric.  The
specimen was released down to the level of the hyoid.  The level
of 1A was handed off to nursing for permanent pathology.  We then
turned our attention to dissection of an external jugular vein
node.  This was released and handed off to nursing for permanent
pathology.  The fascia was then released off the anterior border
of the SCM and unrolled medially.  The spinal accessory nerve was
identified and traced superiorly toward the IJV.  The fascia was
released off the SCM down to the level of the omohyoid.  The
floor of the neck was identified inferior to the spinal accessory
nerve.  The fascia was released along the floor, and the
fibrofatty contents were rolled from lateral to medial, working
toward the internal jugular vein.  The fibrofatty contents were
sharply dissected off the internal jugular vein.  The specimen
was then released off the omohyoid inferiorly.  The specimen was
divided into levels II-III and handed off to nursing for
permanent pathology.  Hemostasis was achieved in the neck.

A Dobbhoff was placed in the right side of the nose and secured
with 3-0 nylon.  The patient was then handed over to Dr.
Pagedar's team for reconstruction.

 

Following the ablative portion of the procedure, the
reconstructive portion of the procedure commenced.  The defect
was inspected, and found to require reconstruction with tissue
taken from the radial forearm based on the radial artery.   The
left arm was prepared for harvest.  Preoperative testing had
demonstrated intact collateral perfusion from the ulnar artery.
The radial artery and cephalic vein were marked. A skin paddle
measuring approximately 8 x 6 cm was drawn out centered over
these vessels.  The arm was exsanguinated, and a tourniquet was
applied and inflated to 250 mm/mercury.  Total tourniquet time
was 70 minutes. An incision was made outlining the cutaneous
paddle and carried into the subcutaneous tissue of the arm.  The
ulnar side of the flap was elevated off the flexor carpi radialis
muscle and tendon. The cephalic vein was identified proximal to
the skin paddle. Once the direction of the vein was confirmed,
the incision was extended superiorly towards the antecubital
fossa in a lazy "s" configuration, down to the level of the
cephalic.  The cephalic vein was then elevated with a vessel loop
and dissected in a circumferential fashion up to the antecubital
fossa. It was then followed distally to the wrist, carefully
dissecting from the radial nerve and keeping it attached to the
skin paddle. The cephalic vein was ligated distally. The lateral
paddle of the flap was raised off the brachioradialis muscle
towards the radial artery. Sensory branches of the radial nerve
were spared. Proximal to the skin paddle, the pedicle containing
the radial artery and venae commitantes was identified between
the bellies of the brachioradialis and FCR, the fascia between
the muscles was released and the pedicle traced proximally, with
ligation of perforation branches to the muscles. The pedicle was
then isolated and ligated distally and dissected proximally in a
suprafascial manner between the muscle bellies of the
brachioradialis and flexor carpi radialis muscles, with attention
to hemostasis and control of perforating vessels.  Dissection
proceeded until the communicating vessels at the elbow were
identified, and these were spared.  Once the flap was pedicled on
its nutrient vessels, the tourniquet was released.Hemostasis was
achieved in the arm and on the flap itself. The hand demonstrated
adequate perfusion. Subsequently, the radial artery, venae, and
cephalic vein were suture ligated and the free flap was passed
off the table to be prepared for inset.

The forearm wound was repaired in the following manner: A JP
drain was placed and the proximal incision, measuring 12 cm,  was
closed primarily in two layers with deep 3-0 vicryl and a running
4-0 nylon.  A split thickness skin graft measuring 8 x 8 cm was
harvested from the left thigh with a dermatome and sutured to the
forearm donor site defect with 5-0 fast gut in interrupted and
running fashion.  The thigh donor site was dressed with Allevyn
foam, secured with staples.  The skin graft was bolstered with
vaseline gauze and moist gauze.   The arm was wrapped with ABD
pads and webrill.  A volar splint was made with plaster sheets
and wrapped with an ace bandage.  Attention was paid to padding
the arm and hand at the pressure points.

Attention was turned to the oral cavitydefect.  The flap pedicle
was passed into the neck through a soft tissue tunnel created on
the lateral surface of the right mandible. Flap inset was then
performed;  the free flap skin was sutured to the mucosal edges
of the buccal defect using 3-0 Biosyn sutures in horizontal
mattress fashion. Circumdental sutures were placed where the
resection margins included the gingival mucosa. Portions of the
skin of the flap at the right oral commissure were brought out
and sutured to the skin of the white lip, where the resection
extended to this area. The complete mucosal and skin defect was
closed,  creating a water-tight seal separating the neck from the
oral cavity.

Anastomoses were then performed using the operating microscope.
The flap vessels and recipient vessels in the neck were dilated
and cleaned with microsurgical instruments and irrigated with
heparinzed saline.  2% lidocaine solution was applied directly to
the vasculature to counteract vasospasm.  An end-to-end arterial
anastomosis was performed from the radial artery to the right
facial artery using 8-0 nylon in an interrupted fashion.
End-to-end venous anastomosis was performed from the larger of
the two radial venae to a branch of the lingo-facial trunk on the
right; a 2.0 mm coupler was used (this vein was positioned deep
to the arterial anastomosis to maintain good geometry of the
pedicle). An additional end-to-end venous anastomosis was
performed from the cephalic vein to the external jugular vein
using a 3-0mm coupler. Upon removal of the vascular clamps,
excellent flow-through was noted in the vein, strong doppler
pulse in the perforating branch, and the skin of the flap was
noted to be well-perfused.

Hemostasis was confirmed. Two round JP drains were placed; one
deep to the right SCM, and the other in the submental region.
The 15cm neck incision was closed in 2 layers: the platysma was
closed in interrupted fashion with 3-0 vicryl.  The skin was
closed in running fashion with 4-0 nylon.  There were no
complications.




I was taken to ICU.  They put a bite block in my mouth.

What a hopeless feeling with one arm in a cast, the other hooked up to IVs and a blood pressure monitor, and tubes coming from all over. I was also catheterized. I had two tubes coming from my neck, one from my left top arm and one from my crotch. Couldn't feel the crotch one though, not that it would have mattered.
I also had a feeding tube down my right nostril and a clear long thing with a hole inserted into my other nostril. They gave me Percocet every 4 hours so the pain was manageable. The worst was that the things down my nose created THICK snot that traveled down behind my nose and mouth and then made me feel like I couldn't breathe because it would get over my airway. They had to suction out the snot, A LOT. Most times they couldn't see it but I could feel it between my nose and mouth behind my uvula and it was literally scaring me to death. The ICU nurse was amazing. She'd listen to me and by the end of the night I had her trained to go down my nose only about 2 -3 inches and suck out the snot there. I also snorted it into my mouth a few times and she sucked it out from there. They really didn't want me doing that because of the sutures inside my mouth. Once me and her had that down we were a team. But it took about 8 hours to get there and in the meantime I was panicky because of the mucus. I truly though I was going to smother to death for those 8 hours. That feeling never really went away until day 6. Because of that feeding tube the mucus was crazy, plus I wasn't taking any liquids by mouth and that added to the viscosity of the mucus. It was horrible. HORRIBLE. That first night was the worst though. I also got no sleep for about 5 days. They had to come in every hour for 48 hours and put this Dopple thing between my fingers and also inside my mouth to make sure that my hand was still getting blood flow and also that the new blood vein they had put in my cheek was still working. After the 48 hours, then it was every 4 hours, then every 8 etc. Just when I started falling asleep someone was coming in to dopple me or take my vitals, or push drugs down my feeding tube. etc. I got so exhausted that I couldn't sleep. Plus it hurt to sleep. I had to be in a 30 degree or more position so my head would loll to the side and since they removed nerves, tissue etc from my neck, it would make me feel like I didn't have any blood going to my brain and it HURT.  Once I woke up after being asleep less than 2 minutes and the room was yellow. I'm serious. It was like someone strangled me then released right before I passed out, Then I was afraid to sleep.

The next morning one of the doctors removed the clear plastic thing from my left nostril and that so eased the mucus and I could breathe better. He was my hero that day.

I will post more later under a different heading. The notes above from the doctors is available to me online. I thought it was interesting so assumed you would too.

I sent this pic to family and friends knowing someone would kick in a joke about the two fluid collectors on my boobs. I was not disappointed!!! LOL

I'm alive!

Can't type much because my arm they took the blood vessel and skin from is still wonky.

My first video back too. The clip is holding up the bottom of my dress so it doesn't touch the skin graft.

God I look so old too.

The cancer escaped the capsule in my nodes. Not good. I have a drs apt on Wednesday and Friday next week so I will learn more then. The first apt is with my surgeon and the other is with another cancer doctor it looks like.

OMG This is so daunting.

Posted later: here's what my arm looks like.

My last post before surgery

We have to be in Iowa City at  5:30 so we have to leave the house by 3:00 am. Which means I need to get up around 1:30 or 2:00am.

I just took 2 sleep aids and will try to get as much sleep as I can. I seem to be less worried than I had expected. That's surprising me. I'm trying not to think about it though.

My bestie and her husband will come down and let the dogs out. Depending on how stable I am, I am making Jeff go to work at least half days Thursday and Friday. His work is being good to him too so he needs to pay back if he can.

I'm getting lots of prayers from all over. It's really nice.
I need to go lay down to relax so I can fall asleep as soon as possible.

I hope I come back soon.

New duck duck?

Jeff and I seem to agree that last night we had a completely different mallard land in our pool. Mike and Molly ALWAYS come and leave together and except for little duck garbles they make,  they don't talk a lot. Plus they had just left about 1/2 hour before the different one showed up. They don't do that --stay and then come back rather quickly after leaving. They show up once in the morning and stay a couple hours then show about 7PM and stay anywhere from 2 to 6 hours.
The one that showed up last night would not let me anywhere near him plus he kept quacking. Mike and Molly now let me as close as 4 inches from them. Jeff's the one that first said it was a different duck and I disagreed. Then as I watched him, I finally had to agree. He just acted different than Mike. I think he's out there now (it's 4:00 central time) because there isn't a female and he stays on the other side of the pool, away from me. I'm kind of assuming it's one of their offspring from either last year or this year---if they grow that fast?? I think they do since they have to fly south for the winter, so
they have to be adults by the end of summer, right? (not that I'm saying this is the end of summer or anything because that would be weird and really off-right?)??

Here they were doing a little water dance. I figured it was a mating thing. They've never done this before--diving. I just love these little duckies.

They did this for quite a long time too. At least 4 minutes or so. Cute.

Here's a video I just made. For posterity. It might seem the cancer is really small, but there's a benign tumor farther back and that is why the whole inside of my cheek will be taken out.
Here, I just videoed this:

 

It doesn't hurt nor interfere with anything, unless I open my mouth real wide, because then the top of the benign part gets stuck on my teeth. You can see how I had to move out my lower jaw to get it off the teeth. I'm not too optimistic that I won't need radiation, because that benign part just keeps spreading. I doubt they can get it all or get it to stop without radiation. I also think that since it's been 3 weeks since the CT scan, I WILL have it in my nodes, therefore I will need chemo too. I am going to be one sick puppy by the end of August. 

I have to admit. I'm kinda likin Martha Stewart. Have I made that proclamation before? I even watch her when she makes stuff I don't even wanna make! Now that's sad. LOL! Today I watched her episode where she makes a breakfast strata, oven baked French toast, pean and ham quiche and Dutch baby pancakes.
http://www.pbs.org/food/features/martha-bakes-breakfast-episode/
Okay, I watched just for the strata but OMG I am going to have to make those dutch baby pancakes too. SOMEDAY. I'm hoping I will be able to eat again at least by October. I know I will lose weight but the way I like food I will be a size 18 again in no time. LOL! Unless....my tastebuds and saliva glands suck, or it's hard to chew and swallow. That's going to KILL this Foodie I tell ya!
Food is one of life's greatest joys. I hope it's not totally destroyed for me. I hope, I hope, I hope.

I also hope I make it through surgery because I have a heart arrhythmia. There's so many things that can go wrong with this 5-7 hour surgery. I'll say it again. I'm so scared.

Doctor speak

I have discussed surgery with Lori in some detail. She also discussed surgery with Dr. Chang today. We described a transoral procedure for en bloc resection of the right buccal cancer including the oral commissure. She would have a right neck dissection. I discussed reconstruction with her, specifically a left-sided radial forearm free flap and split thickness skin graft to the arm donor site. We discussed the expected perioperative course, including the possible need for tracheotomy and the need for a nasogastric feeding tube. We discussed risks associated with reconstruction, as well as risks associated with neck dissection including weakness of the marginal mandibular nerve and the accessory nerve. We discussed the risks of trismus that the cavity buccal resection. We also discussed the possible need for scar revision both at the oral commissure as well as to reduce redundancy of the flap. We discussed the possibility of microstomia and medial displacement of the right oral commissure. She understood these issues and wished to proceed.


This is what happened today. ^^^ U of I give their patients access to everything happening to them. I love it!

Soooo, my inside right cheek will be replaced with the tissue and vein from my left forearm. A thin skin graft from one of my thighs will cover the forearm wound. My mouth will get smaller because he doesn't want to do a skin graft on my lip, so my lips will be asymmetrical. I may need plastic surgery down the line not only for my lip, but also the inside of my cheek. I may have loss of sensation in my mouth, lip and neck. I may have nerve damage also. They won't be replacing the muscle in my cheek (Yay) and they plan to take it (the inside of my cheek)  all out in one large chunk. Therefore they can check the margins for cancer. If the margins are clear, no radiation.
So basically I feel better than I did. I'm ready for this. I have a long road ahead of me as long as I make it through the surgery.

I will be in intensive care one night. In the hospital for at least 7 days, and out of work for at least a month. BAH!!
I will be posting videos of myself, when I can.


I will beat this. Because NO ONE...NO ONE messes with a woman in menopause!

I believe I have a new favorite band......AND A NEW IPHONE6

My first fave band was ELO, then Crash Test Dummies then Blue October....now I think Kings of Leon has nudged Blue October off the edge....


I mean listen to this!!

And this!  (fickle is spelled wrong)

This!!

More!!

I had recently bought the Black Keyes CD El Camino and burned a disk for the jeep for Jeff so I could "turn him on to a new group." He said all the songs sounded a like. I kind of agree, but also know that after listening to an album many times you don't think that any more. But with Kings of Leon, NONE of their songs sound like another. Very diversified. I bought their album, The Collection Box. 5 cds and one video in one collection. Hellish. Just freaking hellish. Had to buy it on Ebay because I couldn't find it in town.



ENJOY.


There's more great songs by them, so be sure to check them out.

After having a flip phone for the last 4 years I finally got my own iphone!! I love it!! So user friendly and now I can text like a mad woman! I'm going to need that when I can't talk after surgery. 

Newest cancer news.

I will be meeting with my oncologist on Friday the 29th. Also with the anesthesiologist. I was told June 3rd is a possible surgery day.

I won't know until Wednesday.


Here's what I am in store for, as far as I know, I will get more info on friday.

 

They will take the benign tumor out, along with the cancer area. It will be the complete inside cheek area on my right side. They will do it from inside my mouth. At the same time another doctor will be removing my blood vessel, muscle and skin from my left forearm. They will also be taking out my lymph nodes. Definitely on my right side, don't know about the left. That will be done from the outside. So I will have a scar on my neck. They will replace my cheek muscle and blood vessel with the ones from my arm. They will also skin graft the skin from my forearm on my inside cheek. I was told the success rate for the muscle is 98%, so that's good. It's the skin graft that's the worry. The skin won't have it's own blood supply so they will have to pack my mouth so the graft is pressed to the inside of my cheek. Tracheotomy?? Probably a yes. He said I will be so swollen that I won't be able to breath out of my mouth and nose. The skin on my arm does not stretch, so if they put in too much, I could have excess that gets in the way of my chewing. If they put too little, I won't be able to open my mouth. He said they can always take some out further down the line. After 6 weeks of recuperating, I will then have radiation. I don't know if it will be zeroed in where the cancer was or if it will be a broad radiation. Either way, it's going to eff up my saliva glands. I may have trouble chewing and swallowing and could possibly choke a lot when eating. He didn't mention chemo this last visit, but I have a feeling I will have to have it. I may as well count on it. Better to be surprised if they say I don't have to have it.

 

Below is after my last major biopsy on April 23rd. I was a little out of it filming this. LOL!

The surgery will be 100 times worse than this. I'm so scared.

Videos of our ducks-Mike & Molly

The second one shows Ava The Poopinator in action--so watch if you dare....

No 2 stinks!!

Does anyone understand why I think this was so funny!!! bwaahahahahaha


This was just on our local news.....

"I'm probably more like number 2."

"That would stink, eh?"

Mike & Molly are back! Quack Quack!!!

Yep, for those familiar with last years' posts, we have two ducks that show up this time of year and swim in our pool (the cover is still on). They'll stop showing up in about 6-8 weeks. Last year was the first time they came. It's so cool. I was so happy they showed up this year after being diagnosed with cancer and all.

Okay, now on to that subject.

The cancer in my mouth is along the surface and is about 1/2 inch by 1 inch in size. I have two enlarged lymph nodes, one under my chin and one in between my chin and ear in the neck. They didn't light up but he assumes they are cancerous. So they will come out along with others I suppose. He says the cancer is laying against the muscle in my cheek and he wants that muscle out too. So I have to have the artery/vein in my forearm, along with the muscle in my forearm placed in my cheek. The worst scenario I didn't want to happen. So much for hoping. He does say he thinks he can get all the cancer. I am in for a hell of a surgery, 6-7 hours and 6-7 days in intensive care. I will probably have a tracheotomy because I won't be able to breathe through my mouth or nose. Then six weeks of recuperation,  then 6 weeks of radiation. Fuck. Yeah Fuck. My summer from Hell.

Been a bad year for me. At least I will live. For now anyway. Crossing my fingers. Now I just have to make it through the surgery.
 So far no chemo is scheduled. I had Jeff take a pic of the back of my hair in case, since I just got it long for the second time in my adult life.

I hope to be well enough to post of my surgery and progress. We'll see. My brother had the radiation and I know I'm in for a hell of a ride.


This is my doctor. I like him. I told him to do what he has to do.

Today's Homeowner

I DVR this show and today they had some good tips for using coffee filters for other things. I already do use them to cover food in the micro and decided to video it for this blog. I especially liked the tip about putting them in the bottom of a flower pot. Man! I could have used that tip the other day!

I've learned a lot of good tips from this show.

You should check the show out!

It's cancer

Confirmed. I had a CT scan today and will get the results on Wednesday. Wish me luck.

Doctor's appt

Evidently I am seeing the doctor at U of I for a consultation first. My appt is tomorrow morning. I suppose he will tell me what will be involved with the surgery and the biopsy findings.

Remember when I posted that pic of Dr. Phil's show with the misspelled word? Today there was one on Ellen!

She was going around the audience making a fake life about her audience members. They misspelled accountant here.

I wonder if she noticed. She didn't say anything though if she did.

Wow it's been a LONG time since I did an oil review. Let's see what I have.

How about Uriel by Nocturne Alchemy!?
Wasn't Uriel an angel? I may be wrong. It's golden in color. Of course. LOL

Yum, in the vial it's definitely a man's fragrance. Something unique in here. In fact, I couldn't even try to guess what's in this. It's so good though!

I just googled it and I was right! Uriel is an archangel. I don't know the difference between and angel or an archangel. Just wiki'd-and archangel in an angel of a higher rank.

Thick resin and incense of holy myrrh and sandalwood.


NO WONDER I LOVE THIS!  This is so smooth, not at all sharp like you'd think incense could be. I wonder if there's some honey in this to add that mellowness. I also seem to smell some grasses. Smoky. Leatherish.  I hope it's still available.

It is! Woop


Uriel

WTF was that!!??  LOL

Still here!

Well, last Thursday I had the big biopsy of my right buccal area in my mouth. (That's non laymen terms for the inside of my mouth cheek.)
Was told at the time that it would be 5 days for the results.
Never heard from them until my apt yesterday. Yeah I know. No news was bad news.

He said the first pathology reports were good but he decided to send the tissue to the University of Iowa Hospital where he says is the best ENT team in the Iowa. It came back that they think there may be squamous cells in a part of the tissue. They are not sure.

So now I will have to go to UI hospital and have the whole inside of my cheek taken out, skin grafted, then we go from there. Not too worried yet. It's kind of a middle of the road diagnosis. Hopefully they are wrong.
I will be called next week to be told when the surgery is.

I had 3 stitches taken out yesterday and there is one left. Even after 6 novacaine shots he couldn't get it to where I didn't feel him tugging on it. and I'm telling ya, it hurt!

At least I am able  to open my mouth a little farther. The surgery wasn't that bad. The worst part was the stiches and the area under them is so damned tender that I wasn't able to eat hard stuff like chips (BAH!). It was also hard getting food into my mouth and was sometimes funny trying to maneuver food into it. LOL

Lots of doctors bill rolling in. It was $2,500 out of pocket just for my endoscopy and colonoscopy. That's not including the doctor's visits, mammo, ultrasound, breast biopsy, medications, ekg, pathology reports. Like I've said before..... getting old sucks. 

Hey! I've lost 10 lbs!! <blink blink>

Will tell more later when I know more.

Obese dawgs.....

Great song Ringo Starr!!

Have you heard this? I heard it 3 days ago on the morning radio talk show Bob & Tom and instantly fell in love with it! I love the bass in it. I'm not a big Beatles fan nor a Ringo Starr fan, but I think I could be now. Ringo that is. I'm going to have to see if his other music is as good and order some CDs.

ROFLMAO People on the internet kill me!!

Okay, I have a board on Pinterest called German Shepherds Rock!

Today a pinner messaged me on one of my pins : It would be great if you could come up with an original name for your Shepherd board. I have had this one for a long time. Thanks

WTF?!

So I looked and 17 other people have a board with the exact same name!!! So me, wanting to have a little fun, messaged her back: Thanks for the suggestion but I think I'll keep it. Are you going to message the other 17 pinners that have a board named German Shepherds Rock?? ROFLMAO

Then she wrote back : That's Class ! I have not seen 17 others with that name.
and :                                        

I searched the name and only yours came up. Must be hard to be a mere cheap imitation of others.

 

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Haaaaaaaaaaaa! This is getting good. Now mind you, I never fight with people on the internet. I never say means things, I never call anyone names, I never get involved in the fights and I am on A LOT of message boards.

 

 

So I messaged back:

https://www.pinterest.com/j..., https://www.pinterest.com/m..., https://www.pinterest.com/m..., https://www.pinterest.com/i..., https://www.pinterest.com/0..., https://www.pinterest.com/c..., https://www.pinterest.com/g.... That's just a few.

 

and: I win! ROFLMAO!

 

So then, I instruct her how she can finds those other boards so I posted this: Type 'german shepherds rock' in the search. Then under it you will see tabs that say "all pins' 'your pins' 'pinners' and 'boards'. Click boards and you will see them all. Must be hard not to know how to search on Pinterest when you've been here for so long.

 

Yeah, I got a leeeeetle rebellious but didn't say anything she hadn't said to me.

 

Then she wrote:

you truly have no class.

 

Bwahahahahahahahahahaaha!! Really!!??

 

So I wrote:

So you're saying I have no class when you asked ME to change MY board name!? Now that's CLASS!

 

 

I am so tempted to write again : I win! ROFLMAO!!

 

But, alas, she's not worth my time. That was the most fun I've had on a board ever.

 

 

 

Have some fun today peeps! Life's way too short to try to get people to conform to what you want.  ;)



Later: I blocked her so all comments were deleted from the pin. LOL Now she can never pin any of my pics, comment on them or even contact me. I didn't want her pinning any of my GSD pics again. If she tries she gets a notification that I blocked her. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Paybacks are hell.  hehe

Snow Peas!

I haven't had fresh snow peas for a couple months now, and Jeff brought me some home tonight. Yay! Love those little buggers. We buy them a lot and I don't know why this winter they haven't been available as much, or maybe we just missed them at the store.
I am going to make chicken and snow peas with shredded carrot and red/yellow/orange/green pepper tomorrow. I've been making Asian food for close to 20 years so I have an abundant assortment of sauces and seasonings. Oyster sauce, hoison sauce, chili paste with garlic, black bean paste with chili, ground chilli garlic oil, ground chilli with garlic, spicy crab paste, dried preserved bean with red pepper, hot bean sauce, pepper sa-te' sauce.....Yeah....you can tell I like it hot can't you?
They sound similar to each other but they each have their own unique flavor. And yes, chilli is spelled chilli on some of them. I didn't want you thinking I'd misspelled a word since I'm anal about that and all.... I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.  Gasp!  ;)


OMG I just watched an episode of Glee and can't believe how corny it is but even worse........I kinda LIKED it!! I have a head cold so let's blame that.


This Spring weather play havoc with the dogs water bowl. There's some bare spots in the yard (yeah it looks like shit) before the weeds grow in and it's all wet mud or slightly wet mud or dried mud. The dogs bury their marrow bones in it then dig them up and get mud in their teeth. Then they come in and gobble water and the water bowl gets dirt in the bottom. Drives me crazy to see it. My babycakes can't drink dirty water!

Sisi's realized she can bully Moj. Female cats are just bitches! LOL Poor Mojo. She skidaddles over to him, then grapples him to the floor. He doesn't even know what hit him! He makes a valiant effort to grapple back but gives up because she's ruthless! Ha!

My head cold's moved to my chest and I'm tired of coughing. Never did get sick though. I've been sick like twice in the last 20 years. And each time it was a year that I had the flu shot. What's up with that? And I don't mean I was sick immediately after the flu shot, I'm talking a couple months. So I don't get it anymore. I think it makes me susceptible.
___________________________________________________________________

Stir-Fried Chicken Breast With Red Bell Peppers and Snow Peas

Serves: 4
Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:

1/2 pound snow peas, trimmed
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut crosswise into 1/2-inch-thick strips
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon sugar
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 strips orange zest, each about 3 inches long
1 large onion, halved and thinly sliced
1 large red bell pepper, quartered, stemmed, seeded, and cut crosswise into thin strips
1 (5-ounce) can sliced water chestnuts, drained
1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
2 tablespoons bottled teriyaki or hoisin sauce
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes (optional)
1 tablespoon Asian-style toasted sesame oil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
4 cups steamed white rice

Directions:

Bring a medium-size saucepan full of water to a boil. Fill a large bowl with ice cubes and water. When the pot of water reaches a boil, add a teaspoon of salt. Add the snow peas and cook 15 seconds, then remove from the boiling water using a skimmer or slotted spoon and transfer to the ice water. Allow the peas to sit in the ice water for a few minutes, then drain.
Heat a wok or a large skillet over high heat. Add the peanut oil. As soon as it is hot enough to swirl easily around the wok, season the chicken strips with salt and pepper to taste, add them to the wok, and cook, stirring continuously, for about 2 minutes. Add the sugar, garlic, orange zest, onion, bell pepper, water chestnuts, and ginger, and continue to stir-fry for 3 minutes more. Add the snow peas, teriyaki or hoisin sauce, optional hot red pepper flakes, and sesame oil. Continue to stir and toss the ingredients until they are evenly coated with the sauce and the snow peas are hot and tender-crisp, 2 to 3 minutes more. Sprinkle on the cilantro and serve hot over steamed rice.
Reprinted from Wolfgang Puck Makes It Easy by Wolfgang Puck.
 

__________________________________________________________________________

I'm taking out the cilantro because there is no cilantro in Asian stir fry!! I'm also going to add red chili oil to make it even spicier.

I'm going to merge the two recipes above to create the most delectable dish ever!!! Okay okay, it's just going to be good. Her video is so damned sexy!! Watch her slice that chicken!! That's fuck flick music for sure! hahahahaha!! She pours the sauces so slow that I think she's on Valium! Do people even take valium any more? Okay.....Prozac then! Slooooow me down.....make me fluid and gooshy.
I've never taken it so I can only imagine how it feels.
I love her videos. Me bad to make giggles.

Just a few weeks!!! Memphis here we come! New Orleans here we come!!

Here's my dish. Delish!

Bah, another surgery

On my mouth this time. Full blown surgery too where I have to have blood work and an ekg, can't wear eye makeup or fingernail polish and have to stay away from aspirin and ibuprofen for two weeks prior. Great. Just great. I thought he was just going to do another biopsy of the center tissue in his office. NOT!
I scheduled it for after we get back from New Orleans. It was actually the earliest he could do it anyway besides the week I was in NO.
I don't have a good feeling about this. I admit I'm kind of scared. I'm worried about a big gaping hole in my mouth that won't heal. He's going to shave some off and also take some tissue from the center to biopsy.  SCEERED!!


We've had absolutely gorgeous weather here the last week. in the 60's and 70's. I got Loo-Cee out and drove her to work Thurs and Friday. I know I say it a lot but

SHE'S A BLAST TO DRIVE!!


After driving our F-150 all winter it's a hoot to be able to turn on a dime and when I punch the gas she just takes off. She so fast! LOL

Thanksgiving meal

Poop shoot and esophagus came out okay. Yay!

Now all I have to clear up is my mouth. I go Wednesday and I bet he does a biopsy of the center of it. That's in 2 days. It hasn't changed even with the swish stuff and steroid paste.

I finally made a peacock wreath for my living room. Turned out gorgeous!
IT'S HUGE!!

I'm making turkey and dressing today. Was hungry for it after not being able to eat for two days. The turkey is cooking now and it smells like Thanksgiving but the sun is shining so brightly!! I guess I'm thankful my in and out holes are well!!  ;)

That there is amazing

Newest wreath

My Easter wreath

Boob and mouth

That subject line says boob and mouth, not boob in mouth. Perverts.

I had to cancel my appt with Katzmann. No way was I letting anyone touch that massive mammory.

So now my appt is March 9th.

Mouth biopsy was clear. No fungus or malignancy. Still being treated with a steroid paste 3 times a day and a liquid Nystatin that I swish around in my mouth 3 times a day. Seems to have shrunk the fibroma or whatever it is. There were some Eosinophils detected. That's my blood cells warding off foreign invaders. Like WW2.  I feel it has something to do with this autoimmune problem I have going on in my body. I also wonder if I don't have oral lichen planus since I had the skin version of it back in 2006. My dr may do another biopsy right in the center of the lump in a few weeks just to rule out cancer again. Bah...

Today I had an apt with a GI to schedule my colonoscopy and endoscopy. Bah. March 2nd. Bah again! Hope I don't die like Joan Rivers did.

Such fun.

Still can't touch the underside of my boob. Seriously, this biopsy was way worse than my surgery in 2005.


One of these days I WILL stop talking about boobs and mouths.


TRUST ME.

I like eating vegetables more than eating meat. Don't know when that 'came on' but it's been a while.
I remember when me and Jeff would grill out about 25-30 years ago....we'd both buy 16 oz steaks-sirloins. And eat all of it. If I eat 1/4 of an 8 oz steak now, I'm done. What's up with that? Do I have a fever?

Another boob update

Not cancer, but the area she scraped out has nothing to do with the area that is causing my pain even though they are right on top each other. What she scraped out was fibrous, which is just dense tissue. It wasn't even scar tissue. She says she got it all out too. She thinks I might have nerve damage from the 2005 surgery, and that's causing the nodule of pain. Taking out the nerve damage could create more scar tissue/nerve damage. I go to Katzman Breast Center next week to see what they think. I figure they will either schedule a surgery or tell me to live with it. I just dread them poking it more. Even the ultrasound made me want to go through the roof.

I went to work today but had to come home because about noon I was in some pretty good pain. It hurt to jump into my truck, it hurt to turn a corner. man! This pain is even worse that what I had with the surgery. That's just mind boggling to me. It kills me to lift my boob to put the ice pack under it. I wore my bra to bed and woke up and it had swelled significantly over night. By the time I was ready for work the pain was do-able.
But as the day went on I was really surprised that it hurt so much. I was even having to walk funny. Walking even hurt, every step on the floor jolted it. I came home and needed to put the ice pack in my bra and tried to lift my boob to get it under it and that hurt too much. So I pulled my bra away from my boob and that hurt so bad to have my boob free!!! OMG!!!
Look like I am wearing my bra to bed tonight too.

Off to the ENT tomorrow to have my mouth biopsied. What a fun fun week!

Boob update

I had a needle biopsy today. Piece of cake but now my tata is slightly uncomfortable. About 4 years after my first lump removal, I started getting pain when I smooshed my boob into anything. Like if one of my cats jumped on it from the top of the couch if I was laying on the couch, or if I was accidently elbowed in the boob. I mentioned it to my doctor for years and she said it was probably scar tissue. Two mammos ago I mentioned it before my normal yearly mammo that it hurt pretty bad. Sop they changed my visit to a diagnostic. Mammo was fine but they also did an ultrasound. Ten minutes later I was told everything looked fine.
Well every year when I get my yearly girl exam my dr ( a new one) always checks my breasts and last year she hit it just right and about put me through the roof.
This time (Thursday) I told her I didn't want her touching it. LOL Well she did anyway and didn't like the pain I was in so she scheduled another diagnostic mammo and ultrasound.
This ultrasound showed a shadow.
So today I had the needle biopsy. I didn't have one with my first lump, I was just scheduled for surgery and had it removed. It was 2 inches by 1 inch in size.
So I didn't know what to expect today. They  (and the brochure) actually made it sound worse than it was. Like I said, a piece of cake so you reading this, if you even need one, don't worry for nothing.
Now I have to have an ice pack (in my bra) 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off. Bah. Just the extra bulk in my bra is making the 'spot' pressed on and hurt. Otherwise I don't feel anything.
When I had the surgery 10 years ago, it was nothing too. In fact, I didn't even need any pain pills, I just took the vicodin because it made me smile. ROFL I actually only took it for 2 days and tossed the rest. It made me itch anyway.
So I find out tomorrow. She said she thinks it's scar tissue. I think it is too but can't wait for the all clear.
Oh, in two days I get a biopsy on a 'thing' in my mouth.

Freaking falling apart here. Hitting 50 sucks. Enjoy your youth.

ENJOY YOUR YOUTH

Valentine wreath I made

It's hanging on the front door.

Ugh, here I go again.

They found another breast lump. I had one removed in 2005. Benign. Same boob. Hope I get lucky a second time.
We'll see.
Wish me luck.

NIECE!!

 I was watching Dr. Phil and saw that they misspelled the word niece!

I before e except after c. Don't they teach that any more? 

I wonder who all caught it and twatted about it. I know, I know. It's tweet. LOL

Look what happened!!

 

LOL!! I love snow!!

22 below here today

Wind chill. Actual temp -3.


Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr