I ate so many in the shell sunflower seeds yesterday that my tongue has a canker sore on the tip.

I was about run off the road and into a telephone pole yesterday morning in Loo-Cee.

My cat loves it when the dawgs go outside because he flies through the kitchen into the living room then proceeds to lay on his back. He'll lay like that until they come in.

When I'm in a crowd I am always the one that gets bit by mosquitos most often. Unless my husband is there, then he's the magnet. I take him to outdoor parties and lie to him that it's because I want his company. He's not much of a 'party dude'. Don't tell him or I'll have to kill you. I mean about the lie, not that he isn't much of a 'party dude', he knows that.

Dr. Oz had a segment a few months ago about 'Most embarrassing questions' . One woman named Alexis in the audience stood up and asked why does she get vagina acne. She had a name for it too. Vacne.
http://www.doctoroz.com/video-series/dr-ozs-most-embarrassing-questions
I'm thinking she really should have kept this to herself and now needs to become a nun or sumpin, because who's gonna fuck Alexis now? Maybe some blind dude.

I swear the neighborhood kids sound just like cats when they scream. I always go looking for my cat to make sure he's okay and then realize it's outside. Neighbor kids suck.

He's upside down right now behind me. Yep, the dawgs are outside.

Sometimes the neighbor kids ride their bikes through our yard. I take it for so long then yell at them out the front door at the top of my voice, "Puta! Permanecer fuera de mi patio!!" Yeah they're Spanish and don't speak English. Works every time. Until the next year.... then I have to break the new ones in.

We went shopping the other day and my husband forgot his phone in the car while we shopped. No biggie. Then Sunday he drove Loo-Cee to the store (even though he's cramped in her) and forgot his phone in her. I found it Monday morning when I went out to go to work and brought it in. Then today he calls me from work and said he left his phone at home and to call him at the work landline number if I needed him.  He's NEVER without his phone. Should I be worried? Is this how Alzheimer's starts!?

He just asked me if I'd itch his nuts. Do other husbands say that? Ever? Even in jest?

Even though I'm not a hypochondriac, there's a long list of diseases I think I have. I won't bore you with them. No one but Kevin would understand them anyway.

My husband overfeeds the dawgs snacks because it make him feel good. It doesn't matter that Ava has bad hips and is 35lbs overweight, she's got strong upper arms legs. I tried to explain the psychology to him why he's 'The SnackGiver', but it doesn't stick with him. He bought me a package of Oreos yesterday. He sucks but is so sweet!

I had the package of Oreos on the back of the couch. I accidently pushed them off and now they are lost forever between the wall and the couch. Well, at least until I get a hankering for them and dig them out. What's a little dawg hair among Oreos?